Gaslighting 101: Signs, Strategies & How to Stop It
Let’s keep it real (because, honestly, when have I not treated this space like my personal confessional?), there have been chapters in my life where self-doubt became my shadow, all thanks to being gaslighted without even realizing it. For months, just being around a certain someone sent my anxiety through the roof. It’s wild, but the moment I distanced myself from them, I could literally feel my body unwinding, stepping out of that constant fight-or-flight mode that had become my norm.
I found myself second-guessing everything — my thoughts, my actions, my words. It was like living in a mental marathon I never signed up for. And get this — I actually thought I was the problem. Yeah, me. I believed that by addressing issues that bothered me, I was somehow the one stirring the pot. The result? Weight gain, anxiety spikes, and a sense of never really feeling like myself.
It took the end of that relationship for me to start piecing myself back together. And sure, I mourned its ending (because let’s face it, endings are hard, even the necessary ones), but the universe had my back, echoing what my body had been trying to tell me all along: That situation was a no-go zone for my well-being. The thing about gaslighting is, it’s a slow poison, leaving you to question your sanity and grasp on reality.
Here’s how to identify it, respond to it, and protect yourself:
Signs of Gaslighting:
- Distorting Reality: The gaslighter denies or minimizes your memories of events, insisting their version is true. This leaves you doubting your sanity.
- Emotional Dismissal: They dismiss your feelings as “too sensitive” or “overreacting,” making you feel your concerns are invalid.
- Shifting Blame: They twist situations to place blame on you, making you feel responsible for their actions.
- Isolation: They may try to isolate you from friends and family, further controlling your perception.
- Confusing Communication: They use sarcasm, vagueness, or outright lies, leaving you wondering what’s true.
Recognizing Gaslighting:
- Inner Conflict: You constantly feel confused and question your memory or judgment.
- Walking on Eggshells: You become cautious around the gaslighter, fearing their reaction.
- Loss of Confidence: You doubt your abilities and self-worth due to constant criticism.
- Anxiety and Isolation: You experience anxiety and may withdraw from loved ones.
What to Do if You’re Being Gaslighted:
- Trust Your Gut: If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t dismiss your intuition.
- Document: Keep a record of events, dates, and witnesses (if any) to solidify your reality.
- Limit Contact: If possible, distance yourself from the gaslighter. Reduce phone calls, visits, or interactions.
- Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Gaining a neutral perspective can be validating.
Setting Boundaries:
- Communicate Clearly: Express your discomfort with their behavior and what you will not tolerate.
- Focus on “I” Statements: Use “I” statements to express how their actions make you feel. (e.g., “I feel disrespected when you…” )
- Maintain Consequences: If they violate boundaries, enforce consequences (e.g., ending conversation, leaving the room).
- Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on activities that boost your well-being and build your self-esteem.
Remember: You are not crazy. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help or end relationships that are detrimental to your mental health.
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